


If God's on our side then God is a joker

by IllegalCerebral



Series: CM Bingo 2019 [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, CM Bingo 2019, Friends to Enemies, No Violence shown, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 23:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17713748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: Hotch can feel the sting of it vibrating under the surface of his skin. His nerves are molten metal and every muscle in his body is tight like a coiled spring. He has been driving for hours and he knows the anger should have dissipated, his cool calm demeanour pulled back on like familiar and well worn coat but it isn’t. He is on fire, burning from the inside out and right now that rage is hyper focused on one man.They aren't friends anymore. He's just the man who hurt Hotch's family





	If God's on our side then God is a joker

Hotch can feel the sting of it vibrating under the surface of his skin. His nerves are molten metal and every muscle in his body is tight like a coiled spring. He has been driving for hours and he knows the anger should have dissipated, his cool calm demeanour pulled back on like familiar and well worn coat but it isn’t. He is on fire, burning from the inside out and right now that rage is hyper focused on one man.

 He can’t remember the last time he felt this way ( _that’s a lie he can. It was when he was finally big enough to confront his father_ ), he’s sure he won’t ever feel this way again ( _he will, when he’s standing over Foyet, breaking him apart piece by piece_ ) and he’s frightened ( _another lie, there’s no room inside for fear. It’s only the anger - all consuming, like an inferno engulfing a city_ ). It’s getting darker now, all he can see is the road in front of him but that makes it worse, like he has tunnel vision, the anger is being honed in one direction.

He can hear voices, like people in the backseat. 

JJ is matter of fact, quietly insisting no good will come of this and Hotch knows that. 

C’mon man, I know we’re all hurting says a whisper that sounds like Morgan.

Prentiss understands, she is pale and drawn and there is something like guilt etched into her features. she is trying so hard to get them all to like her, pushing a mountain of secrets down and she thinks she’s hidden it all so well.

Garcia is begging him to come back home.

Spencer is crying, so quietly that Hotch knows that he hopes no one will hear him. It reminds Hotch of Sean and bile rises in his throat.

The car speeds up and Hotch banishes the ghosts, leaving them on the side of this lonely stretch of road. He isn’t their boss right now. Whether they know it or not they don’t need him to be their boss.

Suddenly it’s there, a gap in the forest where a rocky path weaves up the hill. Hotch turns sharply, a hail of grit cresting up behind him. He;s jerked about as the car heaves up the uneven path. everything coming into focus as he screeches to a halt.

The blood in Hotch’s head strains against the inside of his skull like a dam about to burst. His breathing is raspy and his heart is pounding in his chest. Hotch doesn’t even bother to be quiet as he slams the car door behind him, storming up the rickety wooden steps. Inside the cabin a light flicks on. There is a bizarre sense of satisfaction that Hotch woke him up from his sleep. 

The door vibrates as his fist slams into the wood. 

“I know you’re in there” he bellows “Open up”

For a moment he thinks his demand will go unanswered, perhaps it isn’t clear from inside how willing Hotch is to break the door into splinters if he has to. Then, with a creak that sounds like the whine of a dying man, the door opens.

“Aaron”

It isn’t a question or even a greeting. it is a calm, quiet, acknowledgement laced with a little bit of disapproval. Gideon has never seen Hotch this angry before but he has read his file. He has seen in clinal terms what Aaron Hotchner was, is, and is capable of. 

The level condescension stuffed into a single word just makes Hotch angrier. There’s red at the corners of his vision, the ghost are back but instead of pleading all he can hear is wordless howls.

He wants to beat Jason Gideon into the ground, he wants to show him how easy it is to step from one side of the line to the other.

He does not.

Instead Hotch pushes past him into the cabin. Books are piled high on every surface, classical music crackles out of an old record player in the corner and a chess board lies askance on the coffee table, a game still in progress.

“I know you’re angry…”

“Not for me” Hotch’s voice is steadier than he expects it to be. His anger is cold now, freezing and sharp. Deadlier perhaps than when it was fiery. It was the feeble attempt at consolation that did it.

“I’m not angry for myself. I’m angry for them”

Gideon is behind him, Hotch can’t bring himself to even look at the man so he focuses on the chess game. From what he can tell there’s a stalemate. 

“I left Spencer a note. He’ll understand”

Now Hotch finally turns and he gets a perverse thrill out of singing Gideon shrink under his glare. He even flinches when Gideon scoffs.

“He doesn’t and he won’t. He’ll spend his life wondering why the man he thinks of as a second father just abandoned him.”

Gideon’s mouth twists into a grimace and Hotch knows, he can almost hear it, he knows Gideon is desperately scrambling for an excuse, a justification. After all, Hotch is a profiler too no matter how much Gideon might pretend otherwise. He also knows a lot about deadbeat fathers.

“And what about the others?” Hotch cocks his head to the side “The ones you haven’t even deigned to write to]o. I guess they weren’t malleable enough to be of value to you so what do they matter? One good thing to come out of this is that at Spencer won’t turn out like you. You failed Stephen, you won’t fail another son”

Gideon blanches and his face goes slack with shock. One of the consequences of working so closely with people while also being an expert in human behaviour is that you get a very accurate sense of where to aim your blows. Minimum effort for maximum devastation. 

It was a very precise decision to leave his gun safely locked up at home but now is the first time that Hotch really understands what Gideon meant when he said a profile was the only weapon they needed. He never believed it until this very moment when, in two easy strides, he ends up almost nose to nose with Gideon whose eyes are wide like a small animal staring down a predator.

Because that’s what Hotch is in this moment and he’s about to deal the killing blow.

“You are never going to return. You are never going to contact them. From this moment onwards, for the team, it’s as if you’re dead. You’re a worm Jason. You’re a parasite feeding off all of their potential and while I can’t undo the damage you’ve done them already I can make sure it stops right here, right now”

Without waiting for an answer Hotch walks past him. He’s sure he hears a shaky exhale of relief but it could be his imagination.

As he approaches his car Hotch pauses and stares down at the clenched fists he was sure would be caked in blood right now. He’s still angry. Hell, he knows that he’s always going to be angry, not just about this but the general injustice of the world. It’s just how he’s built. What is strange to him is the realisation that this was in many ways more satisfying that beating Gideon to a pulp and quite probably more effective.

Hotch isn’t sure if the realisation is comforting or terrifying.

**Author's Note:**

> Another CM Bingo entry. This was for the "friends to enemies" square


End file.
